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Have you currently experienced a bad breakup and you don’t know what to do next?
Whether your breakup was a week, a month or six months ago, the pain is real and I hope the following tips help you turn things around and find joy and peace again.
Give yourself time to grieve.
The first thing people tend to do after a breakup is find someone to substitute the person they miss.
And while you may just see the substitute as just someone to “watch your favorite shows with” or “just have fun with” this is only putting a bandaid on the bigger issue and can keep you from truly grieving and letting go.
So try not to jump into another relationship. But instead give yourself time to grieve.
Let the emotions, anger and frustration flow, but don’t let the breakup consume you.
I remember when my (now husband) broke up with me after we’d been dating for almost three years. I was frustrated.
But in the midst of that, I told the Lord “I don’t like you right now, but I see what you are doing and I am okay with it.”
Looking back three years later, I am actually glad we broke up for a little while.
But I shared that to simply say, it’s okay to not be okay. Just don’t sit in your frustration and anger too long.
Being emotional is fine, you don’t have to have it all together.
But understand that you need to give your feelings, your thoughts and how you feel to the Lord.
You can do that by praying, doing devotionals about creating a closer relationship with Him, or find an older person who can walk you through the process.
At some point, though, remember to ask the Lord for the truth in the frustrations that you feel and trust in Him.
Stop blaming yourself.
I remember when I experienced my first breakup. I thought there was something wrong with me or there was something did wrong.
But looking back, like in any relationships, I had a lot to learn.
The other person had their own mess to deal with and so did I.
I realized that sometimes breakups don’t mean “ you’re not enough” but instead its “ I need to know myself and discover my own identity and purpose.”
So, I would like to remind you that just because someone breaks up with you that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you.
Breakups happen, sometimes it’s because the person is not ready, they’re not right for you, or it’s just not the time for it.
Distance yourself from the source of hurt.
When we are connected to someone in such a deep intimate way. it can be hard to distance ourselves.
However, distance is the best way to start healing and letting go.
But, I totally understand how hard this may be for you especially if you’ve been in a long-term relationship.
I know how hard it is to not answer that text, or that insta DM, but for the sake of your health and moving forward I’m challenging you to not respond.
Give yourself permission to create the distance you need to heal.
Which means, yes, it’s okay to block your EX’s number and not look back.
Try looking at the brighter side of things.
When someone has hurt you, it can be hard to see the bright side of things.
But do your best to remember that sometimes when someone leaves your life, there may be someone else who fits in your life better.
It takes time and a change of perspective to do this but I know you can do it.
Focus on yourself now.
Being in a relationship takes a lot of time and energy.
But now you have more free time and energy to focus on yourself and self-care.
You have more time to get your nails done, to focus on your passions, and to heal from the hurt that has happened to you.
So take this time to rediscover yourself and get to know your best you!
Don’t give up on love just because some guy chose to give up on you.
At this point in time you probably have the attitude of “I will never date another girl/guy again.”
Well, let me just jump in and say that that is a lie.
You will meet someone who will change your mind and world in a good way.
You will meet someone who will encourage, love, and push you to be your best self.
So don’t fall into the “I will never love again trap”.
Know that love will come, and in the meantime lean on the lord and hold fast to his truths so you can receive it and enjoy it again.
Practice positive affirmations
When something goes wrong in our lives we tend to speak negatively of ourselves.
We start to tell ourselves maybe we weren’t good enough, smart, enough, or pretty enough for things to go the way we hoped.
We tear ourselves down and blame ourselves. But all this does is cause more pain.
So, speak positive thoughts over yourself.
Instead of tearing yourself down, try to encourage yourself to keep moving forward in your healing process or do nice things for yourself instead.
Try getting a coffee from your favorite coffee shop, or getting yourself a new outfit or simply treating yourself to a nice meal or mani/pedi.
Overall, be kind to yourself in this difficult time.
Create a vision board/Vent your frustration creatively
Sometimes when a friendship or relationship ends we tend to crawl into an emotional hole and not come out until we feel ready.
But I challenge you to do the opposite.
Create a vision board of what you want to do and where you want to be in six to ten months.
Write out a process how you want to emotionally heal and how you will do for that to happen.
Let your creative juices flow and thrive in the midst of a painful season.
Lean on friends
Ever heard the phrase, “boyfriends come and go, but friends never leave?
In the midst of a crisis, no matter how small you think it is, having friends around to vent to, and tell you you’re ridiculous when you come up with crazy ideas to take revenge out on the man who broke your heart is very important.
Lean on friends who encourage you to focus on your emotional health, who Netflix and chill with you, and give you the support you need.
Even though the tips above are great and helpful, the biggest tip I can leave you with, is to run to the Lord.
He knows you, he understands, and he was with you throughout the relationship.
Talk to him, ask him for help to understand, ask him to show you how to move the process forward.
I believe in you and you got this.
With Love and Grace,